Never has the phrase “right backatcha” been more apropos.

Kansas City Star.

A doting grandad I confess to be. Patty and I just got back from Kansas City. We were visiting my youngest kiddo, Bradley William Boggs, his wife, Krystle, and my three grandkiddos, Josiah, 7, the Mechanical Wunderkind, Lileigh, 4, the Precious, Precocious, and Disarmingly Perceptive, and the newest of the bunch (for now), James Matthew Dietrich Boggs, the Kansas City Star, equipped with pure, overwhelming cuteness. With them spread from Kansas City to Canada, seeing my kids and my grandkids is an event that happens far, far, too rarely. Since I’m in the confession mode, I admit not seeing them more often is one of the most difficult things I face in my life. Okay, then, Let’s tweak this mood a bit here!

Brad, Krystle, Josiah, Lileigh, and James.

Kansas City. Patty and I arrived ready to arm the three young ‘uns with one of the items listed highly on the K.T.E.– squirt guns! K.T.E.? That’s Kiddo Table of Equipment (for the uninformed); it’s part of a three-volume set…the others being the G.T.O. (no, not the car but the Grandparents Table of Operation), and the G.G.M.F. (Grandad Guide to Mirth and Frivolity).  The T.O. carefully explains to us grandparents important information like it’s perfectly okay to let the grandchild scoop water out of the toilet bowl, just not drink it; and yes, chocolate cake is preferable for all three meals, and of course, the care and proper use of the whoopee cushion.

Back to the squirt guns. With armaments distributed and loading technique demostrated, we were ready. Battlefield: backyard. There we were. Josiah, Lileigh, James, Patty and me. It was like a wet O.K. Corral. Water wet, that is. With young grandchildren, it’s important to identify just what a given liquid might be. Okay, H2O, good. We were all ready…Josiah, Lileigh, and James armed with loaded squirt guns (they kept them uncovered because we were unsure of the Kansas City Conceal and Carry laws), me with the garden hose (oh, what? I’m the Grandad), and Patty, the Navy Medical Corpsman/Field Nurse on duty.

Now, please understand James is only about 20 months old. Smart as the proverbial whip, he quickly mastered the squirt gun trigger mechanism. Unfortunately, my Marine Boot Camp training regarding the proper aiming of a given weapon was lost upon him. He wholeheartedly squeezed the trigger with both hands…but the business end was pointed right back at his own face. We quickly looked the same, James and I, because both of our faces were dripping with water. His from his own squirt gun, mine from tears produced by laughing until I cried.

Patty, Josiah, Lileigh and James (still trying to figure out why he is getting squirted).

The weekend visit was too short but filled with fun and Kansas City barbeque. I miss you Brad, Krystle, Josiah, Lileigh, James, Jonathan, Torrie, Jared, Ben, Brianne, Brayden, Brook, Valerie, Tim, Bryce, Austin, and Grace. How I wish for more time with you all. I love you with my whole heart. I could not be prouder of you.

Now. Back to it. Patty and I have consulted the T.O., Chapter 5, Paragraph 7, Line 8. Cotton Candy, Uses Thereof. We discovered the Kansas City Three have never tasted cotton candy, a clear violation of the T.O. instructions. Cotton Candy via the United States Postal Service Priority Mail on its way to Kansas City.

Just Lileigh piloting her spaceship.

Let’s get into stuff!